I went from being guilty and hating myself, to being indifferent and hating you.
I can't stand the thought of you anymore, it enrages me to my core. But I'm still anxious everytime you just show up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened; and it all makes me incredibly sad.
I imagine how much you hate me right now - how every time you glance at me there's a new thought of rancor and resentment. I guess you think I'm the one who ruined everything, even if everything was already broken.
But I don't really hate you; even though you must still really hate me.
So I stand here, avoiding your gaze; writing down all my feeling as to not go crazy, just to keep from hating myself all over again.